26 Years of Spinal Fusion Wisdom

26 years ago today I was lying in a hospital bed with a full body brace and an IV pain drip. I needed help to get in and out of bed, go to the bathroom and take care of every basic need. I did PT to learn how to walk and do stairs, battling excruciating pain up and down my newly fused spine. 

Before then and until now, I have never felt more vulnerable. I fought my way back to the life I wanted to create for myself and swore I'd never let my fusion limit me in any way. 

It would be over 2 decades until I would come to terms with my back, the trauma I felt and internalized within myself and from my surroundings. It was easier to stuff it down and pretend it wasn't there. But as I get older, that no longer suits me and I don't have the time and energy for the pretense. 

Last year, I celebrated this anniversary with amazing body art and photos. This year I chose to have a later start to my patient day and enjoy some time in the gym. 

Here's what I would say to my spine now, 26 years later:

• Scoliosis is not your nemesis; it's more like your superpower.

• Your curve is big, but so is your courage.

• What they say about your back has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

• How marvellously resilient & adaptable your body is to support you in the things you enjoy.

• You can grow stronger and healthier every year. And you are.

• You are beautiful not in spite of your spine, but because of it. You are a work of art.

  I wish I would have been able to show my body the grace and love I can now, but I simply wasn't healed enough. 

I guess that's the beauty of time. Perspective.

Wherever this lands with you, this spine and spirit want you to speak to your body as you would your dear friend, or a child. Can you choose softness and appreciation where you have only shown contempt? 

I believe you can. 

Happy 26th birthday to my bionic spine.